Egyptodd

In my time of woe, at my lowest point ever, I find soooo many things to be thankful for. Count your blessings as I do, please. - I am thankful for my little niece Lizzy's habit of snuggling with me...any hour, any day, whether I think I want it or not. OK, so she does this with everyone. But with Lizzy snuggled by my side, in my armpit, rested on my chest, playing her DSI......it is like I am the Queen of Everything! - I am thankful for my cat, Cleopatra. My friend Chris took care of her while I couldn't. My brother continues to help me care for her. But, after 5 months of not living with her, I am still Tha Momma. She and I have been together most of her life. And her love is the first unconditional love since Jason. - I am thankful for my sisters and brothers. Though they still expect me to one day be fixed, and I have yet to believe in that day, their support and love is infinite in the face of my numerous continued personal disasters. - I am thankful that I am alive. In...

OK. So, today's blog is inspired by a soap opera. So what? They dramatize life, but they start from a point of real life. So, Kendall Hart Slater lost her husband last week on All My Children. What she is going through right now is so real I find myself yelling at the screen through tears. Here's the thing. Without being insensitive to others' grief, losing a spouse is unique. You can "get over" losing friends, grandparents, even parents. Losing a spouse affects you in such a profound way you can feel it in your skin and teeth....forever. When it happens you just want to be alone. The sound of your loved ones' voices, their comforting touch, the help and support they provide.......though you appreciate it, it all stings. The problem is that in those times you want to be alone. After that you really are. You reach out to people.....you "move one" with your life. All of it feels like a story, like someone else's life. You are still, truly, alone....